I’ve noticed something mysterious about the Lord in my relatively short life span thus far. The times He uses me most are the times I believe I am the most useless. Life is certainly full of ups and downs, trials and joys. There have been a few times when I’ve hit what many call “rock bottom.” In these moments, I couldn’t even pretend I had my life together if I tried. I had my face on the ground begging for God to help me, sometimes from a difficult circumstance and other times from sin that had ensnared me. I readily admitted to the Lord that I couldn’t do anything on my own. I needed Him, desperately.
The interesting thing about this is in these darkest moments of my life, the Lord saw fit to use me for His glory the most. Each time I became helpless, He sent people my way who needed help in some way, shape or form. Ironically, they usually came for counsel and the counsel I gave was what I actually needed to hear. In these moments I sometimes argued with the Lord. (Heads up, that’s a losing battle). I reminded the Lord that this was not a good time. Clearly, He didn’t realize that I couldn’t even get my act together to live the Christian life. How could He possibly expect me to be helping others? It’s true that God works in mysterious ways, and in ways that bring Him the most glory.
What I absolutely LOVE about the Bible is that it points out the true human condition- depravity. No other religion does this in their “religious books.” Regardless of some Sunday School stories you might have heard as a kid about “heroes of the Bible,” the true and only hero is Christ. Every man (and woman) mentioned in Scripture was weak, fearful, flawed and sinful, some of them in ways that we would gasp at. I’m pretty sure if any of us interviewed David for a church position we would all turn our heads and say “sorry, but former murderer and adulterer definitely disqualifies you.” I am so so thankful that God is ultimately the one who chooses who to use for His own glory.
1 Corinthians 1:27-31 states,
“God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to put to shame the things which are mighty; and the base things of the world and the things which are despised God has chosen, and the things which are not, to bring to nothing the things that are, that no flesh should glory in His presence…He who glories, let Him glory in the Lord.”
Honestly, God has definitely brought me to this place yet again. There are certain spheres of my life that I am absolutely failing in. (I even had a not so kind lady remind me today at the park that I’m not doing my job as a parent…but that’s a story for another time). It takes humility to admit it and reach out to others for counsel, practical tips and prayer. But I definitely don’t have it all together. I am daily reminded of my desperate need for the Lord to help me be the wife, mother and friend I should be. I can’t do it on my own. Ironically, this seems to be the heart posture God desires, which goes completely against the “be strong and do it yourself” culture we live in. God’s word displays over and over again that a useful servant is broken over his/her sin and repents.
Psalm 55:10-13 states, “Create in me a clean heart, O God…Restore to me the joy of your salvation and uphold me with a willing spirit. THEN I will teach transgressors your ways and sinners will return to you.”
David knew that there was absolutely no righteousness in himself. He begged God to purify Him. Only then could he point others to the ONE true hope. If you are clinging to your own accomplishments as a Christian or even bragging about your testimony as if its something you accomplished apart from God, you will not be a useful vessel. It’s not about you and that’s the beautiful thing about it.
I love the apostle Peter because I can relate to him in so many ways. Perhaps you remember when Jesus and the disciples were partaking of the Last Supper, Jesus said, “all of you will be made to stumble because of Me this night…” (Mark 14:27). Do you remember Peter’s response? He said, “even if all are made to stumble, yet I will not be” (Mark 14:29). Well, we all know what happened. Peter denied Jesus three times that night. No doubt Peter loved his Lord, but notice that when he began relying on himself, he fell.
We are warned of this many times in Scripture. The dangers of pride include self autonomy, self-love, independent living, self-righteousness. Proverbs 16:18 states,
“Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.”
As a counselor, I feel this (probably self-imposed) burden to have it all together. While the Scriptures certainly call us to holiness and the pursuit of it; it never affirms that we will be sinless or without struggles in this life. Truth be told, regardless of how much doctrine I fill my mind with, my heart still needs to be purged of sin regularly, just like everyone else. I still need to hide in the shelter of God’s wings in adversity; I still need to lament to the Lord when the bleak circumstances seem absolutely hopeless; I still need friends to remind me of God’s faithfulness; I still need the church to sharpen me and encourage me. In order to be qualified for God’s service, I do not need to be self-sufficient; I need to be broken. Thankfully, God is the One who does the work in and through me despite myself. To Him alone be all the glory.
Back to Psalm 51…
For you do not desire sacrifice, or else I would give it; you do not delight in burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, a broken and contrite heart- these, O God, You will not despise. Psalm 51:16-17
God is not pleased with our independent attempts at righteous living. A hard lump of clay (or a hard heart) is not easily molded. However, a soft heart, or a soft lump of clay in the Potter’s hands, is easily molded and fashioned into a useful instrument. May we all remain on our knees, begging for the mercy and the sustaining grace of the Lord. And may He quickly humble us the moment we think we are sustaining ourselves.
