“Love is love.” This phrase has been paraded by those who support the LGBTQ movement. The idea is, if two people “love” each other, what’s the big deal? Let them love each other. It doesn’t hurt anything.
Is that true though? Is it harmless to engage in a romantic, sexual relationship that is outside of God’s designed order? The better question is, are they really “in love?”
Let’s discuss some of the common reasons that even heterosexual couples give for being “in love.” Ask an engaged young man, “What is it that you like about her?” Assuming this is a Christian couple and he is being honest, he might say things like…
“She’s the most beautiful girl I’ve ever met.”
“She makes me laugh.”
“She’s the only one who understands me.”
“She’s the best kayaking partner I’ve ever had.”
“She loves Jesus.”
“She wants to have a large family like me so we can launch our ‘godly arrows’ all over the world.”
Let’s start there. Looks like a pretty good list, right? I was in this situation once talking to a young man among a group of other friends. I had recently listened to a Paul Washer sermon about marriage and was amazed by how he gave pre-marital counseling. I figured I would try it myself, even though quite honestly, I’m not sure he was looking for it. As a counselor, sometimes I can’t help myself. So, the next thing I asked this young man nearly caused his jaw to drop to the floor.
“That’s wonderful. She sounds like a great person! Let me ask you though…”
“What if one day, she isn’t beautiful anymore?”
“What if after you get married, she stops listening?”
“What if she gets in a serious car accident and can no longer kayak with you?”
“What if she is unable to bear children?”
Now, I don’t always like to be a “Debbie Downer,” but I was hoping to get a point across. This young man, while he very well may have found his future wife, was not describing being “in love.” He was describing being “in lust.” He had found a woman who would satisfy all of his lusts and desires. He was choosing her for the benefits he would receive. She was pleasing to look at; she loved to do all the things that he loved to do; and she made him feel like he was the best thing since sliced bread. Don’t get me wrong, these are not all bad qualities to look for in a potential spouse. But it certainly is not “love” to place your hope in them; that’s idolatry.
America’s version of love couldn’t be any more anti-biblical. “Love” today is all about how you can use each other to pursue your own happiness. If your spouse isn’t making you happy anymore, then just divorce him and move on. This proves you never committed to true, biblical love in the first place. You simply used your spouse to satisfy your lusts, until he was no longer doing so. Let’s look again at what true, biblical love is.
“Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a
“Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.” John 15:13
Friendship in a relationship, especially a marriage relationship, is not based on the amount of hobbies you have in common. God’s word says that friendship is based on sacrifice. It isn’t about you. It’s never been about you and what you can get. Marriage is about serving your spouse, being patient and kind with your spouse, and most of all persevering when times are difficult.
Praise the Lord that God didn’t choose me as His own based on my “good” qualities. He chose me while I was still a sinner, while I was still shaking my fist at him (Romans 5:8). Amazingly, He is still faithful to me day in and day out as my faithfulness wavers all over the place. He placed His love on me, and I can assure you it wasn’t because of what He was going to get out of this deal. Yes, it is God’s will that I give Him glory, but truthfully, so often I’m seeking my own. He still chooses to love me, pursue me, discipline me, and sanctify me. He has chosen to make a covenant with me based on HIS love. His love is selfless.
So, when a LGBTQ couple says, “love is love,” how can you respond? Ask them to define love. Ask them to define lust. Then, share the gospel, call them to repentance, and point them to the One who is the absolutely perfect example of love. I can assure you, anyone who is living a romantic life outside of God’s given order between one man and one woman, is not living in love. He is living out the full pursuit of his wicked lusts. Do not be deceived. He will reap the destruction of his choices.
And for those who are pursuing a marriage within God’s order, examine your motives. Realize that you are embarking on the most selfless adventure yet. (Except maybe once you add kids). Of course, marriage is a blessing. It is a gift from God. However, you will only reap the full benefits of this blessing as you continually deny yourself, as you die to self every day in the pursuit of true, biblical love.
